Currently, my favorite non-anime TV couple is Luke/Noah from As the World Turns, though the show has a lot of cute pairs that come in second (Tom/Margo, Lily/Holden, Casey/Alison). And since I still love Friends to bits...I can't decide if I like Joey/Phoebe, Joey/Chandler, or Chandler/Monica best.

Chapter 7 to Gift!Fic is finally up. *Performs do-ge-za* I apologize for the long wait. There were a lot of reasons--time, interest, embarrassment/nerves, not to mention just writing the first draft--but it's up. Y'all can thank eggsoversexy, since her going to Nepal is the reason why I stopped pussyfooting around with it. Sara, I adhered to mostof your edits; some things I left as they were for various reasons. I thank you in the chapter, but I'll thnak you again here for being my beta and providing me with that...interesting...link.

College is being a somewhat PITA; I have to show Uni that my AP US History score precludes me from needing to fulfill a history requirement, and that I passed a competency test for Computer Science...otherwise I will be stuck taking a history class, a comp sci class, and a math class (it's complicated). Wouldn't mind another history class, but not at the price of computer science and math. I'm double-majoring; I don't have time for classes outside Art History and Foreign Languages.

Which reminds me! I have awesome classes this semester :D

Students in Transition - All transfer students have to take this. Even the teachers admit it's a "whatever" class, and it's only 1 credit. But they've said that transfer students do have an easier time adjusting when they take the class, which will only help my GPA.

Elementary Japanese - I've been DYING for an actual Japanese class, so I jumped on this immediately. Now Fooshie and I can practice with each other (she takes a Japanese class independently, as well)!

Elementary Sanskrit - I jumped on this because their Southeast Asian studies department is small and I figured it might not be around in a different semester. I'm VERY excited about this class...the Vedas were written in Sanskrit

Venice - More accurately, History of Art in Venice. This one's exciting to me because I might be part-Venetian on my father's side (we know we are Calabrese, with Sicilian and Venetian as possibilities). Plus, the Italian Renaissance is my favorite period in history, so anything that'll teach me about is a class I wanna be in (although most of the art world was centered around Florence at that time BUT WHATEVER)

Islamic Art and Architecture - When we went to Epcot, I was dragging my mom around "Morocco" and pointing out what little I already knew about Middle Eastern art, so my inner nerd rose again and I signed up for this class. It's very different from Western art in that Islamic art is mainly non-representational; it should be interesting.

I'm also going to sign up for Intermediate French; I forgot a lot between French I and II at community college because there were years in between them, and I don't want to start forgetting French like I forgot Spanish. Uni has a teacher education program, and New Jersey gives PRAXIS exams for French, Italian, Spanish, and German, so I think I'm going to go through the teacher training program and get certified to teach French. Which, oddly enough, is what my mother wanted to do; this is cool in a "fulfilling both our dreams" sort of way. It's a thought, in any case.

What else...well, I started writing As The World Turns fic. Hope it's good! My pipe dream is that the producers stumble across it and decide that I'm so good that I should be immedaitely hired to write for ATWT. Heh. If only...

So whilst reading people spork bad BDSM porn over on weepingcock, I came across someone mentioning domming, referring to the one actually doing the dominating as the dom(me).

Ahem.

I realize that, with "domme", they are merely feminizing it in the French way. You know, like you do. But unless I am mistaken, and the rule only applies to "n" instead of any double consonant following an "o", that also changes the pronunciation.

To "dumm".

The same way "bon" feminized to "bonne" is pronounced "bunn".

This has been a public service announcement of the "Significantly Less Sexy" variety...

When a needle is moving in my arm, I can't feel it! \o/

Donated blood again today. I've been slacking off on that this year thus far *smacks hand*, and my body got lazy too...first they had to search for the vein and kept tightening the blood-pressure-taker thingy (the pins-and-needles sensation that creates is quite interesting o_O). Then after they found it the blood flow was slow...then normal...then slow...then stopped...and after they pushed the needle in further and pulled it back and tightened/loosened the pressure thing and I'm squeezing the little tube thingy as hard as I can, it FINALLY starts flowing again and I manage to finish. But yeah...when the needle goes in there's a "pinch and a burn", but once it's inside I can't feel what's going on.

Today was the first time I ever needed an ice pack afterwards >.> Yeah, there's gonna be serious bruising, I'll bet. *Shrugs* And yet, I enjoy these things. I actually legitimately enjoy it.

Also! My blood pressure is 106/62. That's, like, the ass-end of normal. My temperature was 96 degress F.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm way beyond converting at this point. At one point I did want to commit only to Judaism...but religious faithfulness is apparently not my strong suit. *Musing face*

( In_which_Luna_discusses_her_favorite_kinds_of_ships )

( Prepare_Ye_the_Way_of_the_Lord )

The job you don't want.

http://www.americablog.com/2009/06/obama-justice-department-defends-doma.html

I think if I go further into that I might burst into tears...so let me give you some other crappy news. I broke up with Joey. He's a sweet, thoughtful, talented, fantastic person, but I just...I don't have a crush on him. When he's around, I'm happy, but not in a "Let's snuggle on the couch and kiss" way. More like "Let's get everyone together and sing showtunes" way. Whether or not that's because he's a guy remains to be seen.

Also, my father and I have been snapping at each other lately.

To go with the trend...FML.

Trick question! Your Significant Other is/should be one of your friends.

For that matter, what's everyone else in your life who you're not sleeping with? Your Insignificant Others? This is why I write ensemble-cast fic and am hoping to see a Luke/Noah+Casey/Allison core group in ATWT. It's also why I hate those songs praising the romantic partner as "the only one I'll ever need". Bullshit. Your spouse/lover isn't the only important person in your life, and neither should they be. God gave us parents and children and siblings and friends and extended family and pets and strangers and hobbies so we could experience the full range of love, not so we could dump them all in a heartbeat to "prove our devotion" to the one person we like to sleep as well as talk with.

I really, really, really like this song off the new album:

Maybe California

Hey, Missus, see
Please don't jump
"Why not?
Nothing is making sense anymore to me.
I don't know when I stopped making him smile;
Now the kids see me crying all the time."
From one mother
To the other
They'll never get over this
For their lifetime
All their wishes
Will be dashed upon those cliffs
So let's be strong, you and me
The night is o-opening
Our angels are falling
And they will warm, they will warm us
She asked, "Right now? Right here?"
I'm feeling soon, soon my dear
Maybe Cali-...California
Maybe Cali-...Califor-...
California
As mothers
We have our troubles
You'll leave them with emptiness
For their lifetime
All their wishes
Will be dashed upon those cliffs
Those cliffs
So let's be strong, you and me
The night is o-..., it is opening
Our angels are falling
And they will warm, they will warm us
She asked, "Right now? Right here?"
I'm feeling soon, so soon my dear
Maybe Cali-...California
Maybe Cali-...Califor-...
California
Until then
There will be
Starlight shining down
For every tear
In every town

Tori noted that it's become romantic and glamorous to contemplate the angst of the younger generation, but that trying to think that a wife and mother would feel helpless and suicidal is nearly impossible. I have a couple songs about suicide, most notably "Adam's Song" by blink-182, and they do seem to be geared very much towards teenagers (incidentally, for awhile I couldn't listen to that song). It was sorta on my mind anyway, since me/Deshaun/Ayjay/Twitchy were discussing suicide last night (I *promise* that we are not always depressing) and I articulated something that made me feel a lot better after last post..."you need me". And Ayjay said "yeah". And it wasn't in some weird symbiotic, codependent way; we just kinda figured out that what we've done for each other was just that...well, that. We were what the doctor ordered. Shut up, I haven't slept in 18 hours. In case this is news to anybody, I wanna be a mother real bad, so the singer urging the mother to stay alive for her kids' sake was especially poignant to me. And California is just about the last place I wanna be at the moment, but I'm pretty sure this is just the pair of them making plans to move on with their lives.

Incidentally, this album kicks ass. There is not a single song on it that I don't like, and the coveted "Luna's Favorite" spot is shared between "Flavor" (about separating evil and good within religion), "Not Dying Today" (about flourishing under someone trying to keep you down), "Maybe California" (discussed), "Curtain Call" (about media exploitation of women), "That Guy" (about a disempowered husband from the POV of his wife), "Abnormally Attracted to Sin" (about someone trying to reconcile sexuality and spirituality), "500 Miles" (about the ups and downs of a romantic relationship), "Mary Jane" (about a kid wanting to smoke weed...it's dedicated to her nephew O_o), and "Starling" (about insecurity in a relationship).

The other songs are "Give" (about being a giver in a world of takers), "Welcome to England" (about being manipulated), "Strong Black Vine" (about being manipulated by religion), "Fire To Your Plain" (about feminism), "Police Me" (about being controlled and pigeonholed), "Fast Horse" (about girls dating douchebags), "Ophelia" (about being your own person), and "Lady In Blue" (about...I'm not quite sure what this one is about, actually).

I tend to attract certain types of people, and it's weird because in these regards they're the opposite of me.

One is that I seem to attract a lot of atheists and agnostics. This is hard to wrap my brain around just in the fact that when I flirted with atheism it sent me into a very, very deep depression. With panic attacks, no less. You'd think I'd end up surrounding myself with Bible-thumpers, but apparently not.

Two is that I get a lot of people with awful, awful relationships with their parents. Nicole's parents used to blatantly favor her younger brother over her. Christine's birth mother gave her up and her adoptive parents were mean to her. Ayjay doesn't feel that she can depend on her mother. Kieran can't confide in his mother. Donna, Char, Dani, and Gui have all said that they hate their mothers. Billy hates his mom, too, and has been threatened by his stepdad. Kevin's petrified of telling his parents that he's gay. Hell, Twitchy's mother abandoned her, and Deshaun's parents pretty much did, too.

Sometimes my parents would come home in the middle of cabaret practice, and after the fact I'd wonder if it was weird for other people to see me just reach up to my parents like a little kid for a hug and kiss. It's really beginning to dawn on me that among most of them, I'm unique in the fact that I can depend on my parents for stuff like money and rides and love. I'm 19 years old and I know I could still crawl into my mom's lap and snuggle with her. I don't think that some of my friends could do that even 15 years ago. Hell, my mom's 30-year-old oldest daughter, married and with a kid, still refers to her as "Mommy" in spoken conversation. My dad's co-workers are tickled pink that I still call him "Daddy". I didn't have a perfect childhood, and I did/do keep secrets from my parents, but I can look at them and see that they love me and are proud of me, just from the look in their eyes.

It scares me a little bit because I look at my friends and I see how much they hurt for this lack of parental love, even if they don't show it or acknowledge it or even know that they suffer for it, and I don't know what I can give them to fill that void. I look at them and they don't have security or trust or optimism or faith, and I don't know how to give that to them. When I'm just a friend it doesn't feel like enough. When I act like a mother they pull away or hide things from me. (And if Ayjay is reading this, yes, I know you've apologized and I forgive you; I'm not talking about you but rather a pattern I've noticed.) I only really know how to express my affection through touch, but some of them don't want that; can't stand that. I never know what to say on the off chance they do tell me about what's going on. It's frustrating because I just want to fix things for them and I feel like I can't, and that just being there for them isn't enough.

Healing yourself alone sucks. I know this firsthand. I don't want them to figure that out the hard way, either.

( Not_really_related_but_I_want_to_share._I_like_this_song )

Read this on Feminists4Life (the prolife group on Facebook):

First time posting here, hi *waves*. So, I logged on livejournal yesterday and everyone was posting about the abortionist who got shot and killed. It was the typical responses, about how all of us pro-lifers must be rejoicing in the streets because the abortionist weas dead, and look at all the innocent babies who had been saved *headdesk* or just the typical ranting about how the pro-life position sucks in general. Ofcourse, I thought it was reprehensible that the abortionist was killed and I hope the lunatic who did it gets locked up for the next 25 plus years, but you know, I just keep scrolling through my FL until I get to an entry that: says that all pro-lifers deserve to be round up and gassed. WOW. I really could not believe it. The girl who posted this isn't a casual friend. She's someone who I pray for on a regular basis and that I post really long comments to, give advice to, I've told her about my life, so on and so forth. I was really disgusted that a so-called 'friend' would even say something like that, so I did comment her entry.

I told her I was a member of Feminists For Life, what the organization does and why I think abortion is wrong. I also told her I thought we could respect each other and agree to disagree, but that is clearly not the case. She then proceeds to write me a lengthy reply in which she says I can't be a feminist and be pro-life (heard that one before) and that I don't give a damn about childfree woman, yadda yadda yadda. Newsflash, I actually am childfree and never want kids. It's interesting how many assumptions people make about me based off the fact I am pro-life. So, I wrote her a somewhat angry reply.

Turns out, another LJ friend of mine is friends with the girl who thinks I should be gassed, and replied to my comment that, yeah it is pretty hard to respect pro-lifers because we want to impose our views on people and force women to go through unwanted pregnancies even though it's mentally and physically traumatic and we don't give a damn about that. To which I kind of just replied with what I said to the girl who made the original entry.

Anyway, it was just really disappointing. Most of my LJ friends are pro-choice but I wasn't expecting to read something like that.

Just wanted to say thanks that none of you are giving me undeserved crap. For the record I am not happy that Dr. Tiller was killed, and also that the killer was a paranoid schizophrenic and can't be said to accurately represent the pro-life camp (it's also been requested that I strees that paranoid schizophrenics rarely become violent, and if they do it's usually against themselves).

On a slightly happier topic, I am mucking my way through Chapter 7 2.0 of gift fic. It's taking a long time because I had no idea how embarrassing having a beta is, especially for pr0n (there was one comment I just flat-out skipped reading because I knew there was no way I could change what I had initially written, not out of pride but out of embarrassment). Times like this I curse being a Virgo; our perfectionist streak makes taking even concrit gracefully pretty difficult.

So right now it's me quibbling with myself, because on the one hand I want to write it the best that it can be, and on the other I'm like "Jeez, Luna, it's just porn; you've read the crap that others shit out and they get rave reviews; why are you worried?".

I've also been distracted by ATWT and the loffly Luke/Noah. It's good to know that I don't have a "type" of OTP, because they are nothing like TsuSoka or even Duo/Hilde (my first OTP of OTPs). Well, at times they can be Duo/Hilde-ish, mainly in how they watch each other's backs. If anyone wants a real quick, rather tongue-in-cheek summary of the relationship, here:



(Many thanks to G for sending me this video). One of these days I'm just gonna do a videospam of my favorite moments. Probably soon.

I'm giving blood again later today so I better start eating and drinking now. Was gonna go pick up my diploma and get my final transcripts sent to Uni but I'll do that tomorrow. Today is Twitchy and Kevin's birthday; I think I'm seeing them on Sunday so I gotta do something nice for them.

I'm working on it now. Expect it soon.

So may I say I am IN LOVE with this album? As Tori gets older, her lyrics become more accessible, but the actual music itself gets more and more "out there". They're also getting longer, which is odd for a CD with 17 songs on it. It's also the first CD that had a song that made me laugh on it..."Mary Jane". It's about a kid who wants to smoke weed, but he's disguising it by asking his mom if he can spend the weekend with "Mary Jane". To wit: "Do I know her family? / Is she even mannerly / When she's out in society? 'She even bakes' / She even bakes? / 'These odd brownies'" LOL

No new additions to the GW and YnM jukeboxes (jukeboxi? jukeboces?), but I did start the ATWT (As The World Turns) Jukebox.

( For_G! )

As it turns out I will not be back home until tomorrow, because bus times conflict with G's Japanese class. But I promise I will finish the beta version of chapter seven of gift!fic. It will be up by Saturday.

Mets game was win :) Quite literally. 6-1 Mets. \o/ Go team that I wouldn't care about if Steph hadn't introduced me to them but whatevs baseball games are fun!

I am now addicted to As the World Turns. Luke/Noah remain the best part of it, with Casey/Allison (het couple, btw) a distant second, but I'm actually getting into all the other storylines. Okay, it's not just that it's two guys, even though that helps. Luke/Noah just have this perfect chemistry. G tells me that a lot of the touchy-flirty stuff the actors do, they just throw in as they're shooting (instead of rehearsing it), so I guess that's where the organic-ness of it comes from. They have this edge over most of the other couples in that they actually feel "real". Like, if it were RL, I wouldn't buy most of the other couples as real couples (or I would, but only with some trepidation), but with Luke/Noah, totally. Jake and Van are such good actors. Another example!



And well soaps are fun ^_^ I watched "Passions" a long time ago, but that show jumped the shark...and a school of fish...and a pod of dolphins...before crashing into the pier and sinking like the Liusitania. ATWT seems to take itself somewhat seriously, and that's probably why the show has lasted for 50 years.

Had a really weird succession of dreams last night. I don't remember all of them, but I dreamed that Joey was trying to kiss me against my will. Like, he picked me up and wouldn't put me down, and I kept trying to hit him but for some reason my slaps were really weak and I couldn't get him to put me down. Ayjay had to come to my rescue. Disconcerting dream is disconcerting. :/ The next one was that I lived in some sort of farm/apartment complex with the X-Men, except they'd all disappeared for some reason except for a female version of Wolverine.

California can lick me.

This is one of the songs we did in the Cabaret so I REALLY wanted to hang onto it :) Me and Twitchy sang it together.

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT.

TIME FOR JUKEBOX.

Haven't gone through the entire album yet, but here's my impressions from the lyric booklet.

Song: "Welcome to England"
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Character(s): Relena, Duke Dermail, Heero, Zechs
Story: Duke Dermail taunts Relena, offering her cold comfort, after she surrenders to Romefeller
Lyric Sampling: "Who can stay strong when they only give us lies to lean on? / When your heart explodes, is it deathly cold? / You must let the colors violate the / Blackness / There is / A magic world parallel / So leave your daily / Hell / 'Welcome to England' he said / 'Welcome to my world / You better bring your own sun / Sweet girl/ You gotta bring your own sun now don't you forget / You bring your own sun / Just enough for everyone'"

Song: "500 Miles"
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Characters: Hisoka, Tsuzuki, dead people
Story: Hisoka reviews how their partnership is evolving into a romance, not without fear
Lyric Sampling: "Over the lakes with hearts touched by frost / We fought in the Land of the Midnight Sun / I lost myself / I lost myself / I walk 300 miles / Just to bring him bread / In love some gifts are simple / Others I underrated / So I'll wake him as the dawn does / And we'll face what any lovers must / Blueness pales within a flame's lust / In lover's communion for 500 miles / And in 500 miles will he break / Break me again?"

Song: "Starling"
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Characters: Hisoka, (Sagatanasu!)Tsuzuki, Hijiri
Story: Tsuzuki's possession freaked Hisoka out more than he let show, as his imaginary friend finds out
Lyric Sampling: "Starling, when he screams he screams in black and white / Just like the magpie / Shattered night when I woke / Not to a lonely lark but to a raven's cry / If a feather lined with his words becomes a blade / Then what / What will it take to make it through another day?"

Noticed that I tend to link Tori Amos songs to Hisoka's imaginary friends :/ I was considering a fic situation today where people walk in on Hisoka talking to himself, because in Hisoka's mind he's chatting with those psychos fake little kids. I was thinking of calling one Hoshiko-chan ("Little Star Child" which roughly equates to "Starling"), and for the other I'd need to look up the Japanese word for "Baker" because "Baker Baker" is the other song where Hisoka talks to someone who's not there. (NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: "Baker" in Japanese is "Pan'ya", so I guess it's Hoshiko-chan and Pan'ya-Pan'ya. Which is kinda frakking adorable).

Haven't dissected the other songs yet but there will probably be updates later. YES I READ THE LYRICS BOOKLET BEFORE I LISTENED TO THE ALBUM SPECIFICALLY LOOKING FOR JUKEBOX SONGS. LAME LUNA IS LAME.

Also! I am at my sister's apartment until Wednesday, but as soon as I get back I will do all the editing needed for chapter 7 of gift!fic and fianlly get the damn things posted.

I certainly think its the easiest and most common way to go, but I don't think that it's the only way.

As I've somewhat elaborated before, I don't view marriage love as some mystical soulmate connection that puts all other loves to shame (though I may joke about it as such when discussing OTPs). I see it as one of impossibly deep friendship combined with sexual attraction. If you feel that way about more than one person, then you just feel that way about more than one person. It isn't something that can or really should be helped.

Please note that I'm not referring to someone getting bored in their relationship and looking for some fun with some floozy, not caring about how that would affect their spouse. Nor am I referring to the practice of one husband keeping a harem of women for his pleasure and/or procreative needs. Cheating and traditional polygamy are not the same as polyamory. I do think that three or more people can love, desire, and commit to each other equally in the same way. Would it be a difficult relationship to maintain? Absolutely. Is it a rare occurence? Duh. But I do think it can happen, and I don't think such relationships should be looked down upon just because they don't fit a standard model.

Truth be told I kinda want such a relationship myself. Yeah, yeah, insert your "bi = greedy and/or indecisive" joke here, but it is something I can see myself doing. I have this completely irrational sense of fair play :/ Not to mention, having an extra legal guardian will make raising the crapload of kids I want so much easier.

Time to get showered, go grab some food, and then get ready for graduation!

I don't think my apology has ever been rejected, but I refused to accept Tony's apology after he cheated on Nicole.

Apology from Shana still hasn't come.

Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz ^.^

BOO YAH WHO GOT 3 A'S AND A B+ THIS SEMESTER???!!! WHO'S GRADUATING WITH A 3.6 ON THURSDAY???!!! ME, BITCHES, THAT'S WHO!! AND THAT'S WITH DOING TWO SHOWS, TOO!!

In case you want to know, these are all my grades at the community college.

English I - A (This class was *SNORE*. My teacher was nice, but seemed more suited to teaching younger...or slower, I'm not gonna lie...students)
English II - A (Remember my teacher who thought Bartleby's angst was BETTER THAN YOURS and gave me a hard time about missing class because my niece was being born at the time? She actually turned out to be pretty cool)
Public Speaking - B (I fucked up on the final...he never should have let us have a paper in front of us. Also, I forgot to give one of the speeches)
Native American Literature - B+ (I didn't try as hard as I might have...and one of my papers was shit)

Western Civ I - A
Western Civ II - Transfer credit (I took Western Civ I in high school before I took the AP test, so I already had the credit when I found out I was exempt from the history requirement at the college. So I got to count Western Civ I as an elective ^.^)

Art History I - B (This teacher was also my AH3 teacher; I remember her being a lot more difficult in AH1. So either she trained me well, or she eased up)
Art History II - A (This class was taught by THE MOST AWESOME PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. She wants to get together over the summer and do something "creative". God do I love this woman)
Art History III - A

French I - B (Probably because I missed two classes because of the play--I took this in high school at the same time we were doing Peter Pan--and I remember having difficulties with "le" and "la", actually. G took him for German and said he was a bad teacher, so *shrug*)
French II - A (My Madame was so cute ^.^)

College Algebra - A (How I got this, God only knows)
Intro to Statistics - A (How I got this, God must have lent a helping hand)

Astronomy I - B
Astronomy II - B (Hardest class I ever took)

Contemporary Health - B+ (Most boring class EVER)
International Folk Dance - A (My teacher for this class introduced me to the Folk Dance troupe I go to on Tuesdays)

Intro to Acting II - A (Because of my involvement with Studio Theatre, I got to skip Intro to Acting I)

Intro Philosophy - A (This class ran from like 6 to 9 on Mondays...it was at the time I was volunteering at Jenkinson's for high school credit. I loved the class, but I was always hungry)
World Religions - B+ (This would have been an A but I didn't properly cite one of my papers, and forgot to correct it by the end of the semester)

General Psychology - A (This teacher made me cry; she scolded me for being 15 and participating too much. Yes, there was correlation between the two)
Intro Sociology - C+ (There is a LONG story here. Let's just say my teacher miscommunicated to me what I had to do, and I should have had an A)

Computer Literacy - N/A (I tested out, thank God)

So anyway, this whole post was pretty much I LOVE ME WHO DO YOU LOVE??!! I apologize.

I had a meeting with Mr. Novacain today so I am talking with a pretty bad lisp. :/ I am also starving. Dad made soup at my request, so I just hope that it's not gonna be falling out of that side of my face.

I e-mailed Stephen Schwartz's representative for the rights to do Godspell. People are already getting excited about it ^_^ I hope it's not terribly expensive...it's very popular with community theatre groups so I assume it isn't back-breaking expensive, but we are a very small, poor group...

Your result for The Social Persona Test (What kind of man/woman are you?)...

The Emo Girl (QLBF)

Quirky Liberal Beta Female

Take The Social Persona Test (What kind of man/woman are you?) at HelloQuizzy

Heh...true, I guess. "an emo girl", by the way.

I've been wanting to create a meme where you tell your flist of things in RL that remind you of them, but at the moment I can only think of two things (though for three people). So if you are saerwen_13 and ehrenyu/darkqryslynn, it's your lucky day, I guess.

( Saerwen_13 )

( ehrenyu/darkqryslynn )

We have most of the Cabaret filmed, so I have to steal it from whoever filmed it and put it up here for y'all. I watched it a few times at the cast party at Lisa's. To be honest I think it shows that we had difficulties during rehearsal :/ but the audience enjoyed it and we raised money for charity, so I guess that's what really matters.

It's not like we won't have more opportunities. A lot of us wanted to do more over the summer, specifically a Disney-themed show. And then that Methodist church that used to let us practice in the basement asked us to do "We Beseech Thee" for them, which we did yesterday morning...and apparently they were so impressed that they asked us to perform Godspell in it's entirety. So we have two more shows in planning, pretty much. And I'd like to do this particular show again at the end of August, before I leave for Uni, to see how we've improved. So...three.

Finally, updates on my lovelife.

( Read more... )

So G (new nickname for Fooshie; don't ask) got hold of two ultra mega rare awesome super U2 CDs because she is part of the official fan club and I LOVE THEM TO BITS. Not fully acquainted with them yet, but my current favorites are "Always", "Levitate", their cover of "Jesus Christ", and the one I'm blogging about, "Love You Like Mad".

Yep, new TsuSoka song for the Jukebox! Hisoka POV.

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...let me just say that whenever I hear something along the lines of "organized religion is the cause of all the world's problems" I'd like to punch something in the face. Last time I checked it was closed-minded bigoted violent thoughtless assholes that cause all the world's problems, not ideas on how to talk to God. Organized religion is just a vehicle through which fuckers do what they do best. Don't blame ideas for the people who claim to follow them.

This is just something I thought about earlier today but perpetuated by Fandom_Secrets. U2 secret (yay!) stating that as a religion-hater, the OP was "ashamed" to tell anyone that they made him/her want to find their faith again. Dude, why the fuck should you be "ashamed"? Unless they encourage you to act like a complete asshole, your religious beliefs are nothing to be embarrassed about. Speaking from personal experience, in many ways they can make you a better person. For instance, contemplating God's love has made me more forgiving, understanding, and respectful of people. (Also, religion =/= faith. I remember in The Faith Club, they wrote that Ranya had faith but no religion, Priscilla had religion but no faith, and Suzanne had both. I always kinda wished there was a fourth author who had neither, just to make it even.)

May I go off into fangirly squee for a moment and just point out how frakking awesome U2 is for being that influential on someone. I drove for about two hours today and listened to them the entire time. Haters gonna hate but a U2 concert is a spiritual experience and Bono is a better humanitarian than most people are neighbors. So there. XP~

Moving on...Forgotten Broadway: A Cabaret is officially over. It finally ended up with us having ~16 people in the cast. Our first show on the 11th did not start out very well because most of the people in the audience were either deaf, blind, or affected with some form of dementia. About 2/3 into the first act things picked up, though, because we played everything louder, and things got more interesting. Our second show on the 13th was a nightmare to coordinate because we were missing a handful of people, so I wound up putting myself in four songs and cutting two of them. The audience, because it was at an adult community instead of a nursing home, was way more responsive. We got craploads of compliments at both venues, and sixty bucks to donate to the ONE Campaign, so overall I feel like we were a success. Someone's parents filmed it, so if I get my hands on the video I will post it.

Here is a picture of most of the cast and crew:



Nick (crew), Dad (crew), Deshaun, Dave, Mom (crew), Billy, Lisa, me, Twitchy, Maggie, Jenny (hostess), Dani, Rikki, Laura, Ayjay, Kevin, Kieran (crew), and Joey. Missing from the shot are SJ, Nicole, George (crew), and Cheyanne; the girls were either sick or grounded, and George was I think taking photos.

Cast parteh on Saturday ^_^ I can't believe how close we grew. I've never had so many friends doing a show with me. So even though the show was a nightmare to produce, forming so many tight bonds made the whole experience worth it. Every practice was almost like a party; I don't think I've ever had such a good time and been with so many people who I really care about, and who really care about me. And I thank God for this experience, truly. Even though I lost a few friends along the way, I think doing this show has really showed me who I can count on. Not to mention what I am capable of doing if I refuse to give up. I really look forward to whatever we do in the summer ^_^ We want to do a Disney-themed show next.

Speaking of forming tight bonds, Joey (the guy in the bright orange shirt at the end) asked me out after the show on the 11th. I said that we'd give it a shot. I like him a lot and I've felt attracted to him before, but I've got some trepidations because he seems to VERY into me already, while I take relationships slowly. And there is also the fact that well right now I am more easily attracted to girls, so I'm worried about what this means for us. I e-mailed him about this earlier; he hasn't responded yet. I really don't want to chase him off because I'd hate to lose him from my life; I'm just not sure if the little switch in my head that controls my attractions will let me like him as a boyfriend, and I want to date a little before deciding that I can commit to him. And I think it's important to fill him in on this, because otherwise it wouldn't be fair. Deshaun and SJ used to date and he (also bi) had to tell her about this; though they broke up they are still good friends and Deshaun cites the honesty as a factor in that.

It's 2 in the morning right now and I'm starting to get a headache, so I'll chat more when y'all comment, mmkay?

Saw the new Star Trek movie last night and I have got to say...everyone's going on about the Kirk/Spock UST, but if there's a slash ship in there, it's Kirk/Bones. I'm just saying they spend a lot of time touching each other, is all.

(Spock/Uhura is interesting. Not saying I like it, or more accurately that I liked how it was handled--it felt tacked on--but it's interesting.)

Favorite scene: when Spock beats the crap out of Kirk for talking smack about Amanda (Spock's mom) after she dies. I think a lot of people were thrown by how emotional Spock was, but he only really gets that way when Amanda's involved, which I think makes sense because she's the reason he has them in the first place. Even when he's making out with Uhura on the transporter deck (BECAUSE THAT WASN'T INTENSELY AWKWARD OR ANYTHING) she's the agressor, and he sorta just stands there and takes it, like he doesn't really enjoy it. (Read: Spock's gay.)

CHEKHOV IS SO FRAKKING ADORABLE. Spock was cute, too, but in an attractive way. Chekhov was cute in a "I wanna pick you up and dunk you in my coffee" sort of way. Gotta love Scotty, too ^_^ He was really funny. Sulu didn't get much time in this one, but he was pretty cool. I don't quite understand why they need Uhura as a translator though...she never actually translates anything IIRC. :/ Technically the movie passed the Whatever-it's-called test, because Geala (?) and Uhura talk to each other about something other than boys, but that's for like ten seconds before Kirk pops up from under the bed.

My biggest question regarding the plot is why the hell there was a pregnant woman on a starship when the possibility for combat is quite high >.>

Also! I was never a Trekkie like my dad and sister, so I have no emotional investment in how they changed the timeline.

Overall I thought it was fun. The movie is really action-packed, which isn't totally my cup of tea, but if you like that sort of thing you won't be disappointed. It's also really funny, especially if you know most of the Trekkie in-jokes.

Tori Amos interview; here part of the first page.

At its center, Abnormally Attracted To Sin is about sexuality and spirituality and how the two intersect. You’ve often dealt with those issues throughout your career but what was specifically happening in your life -- or in the political realm or in popular culture -- that you spurred you to create this album?
People are still in a state of paralysis with the changes that have been happening over the last year and a half. There have been huge upheavals for everyone and how that affects everybody -- whether you have a job or not -- is that if we define power as being able to generate money or material things, you have got a whole lot of men out there who are powerless. So how is that going to play itself out behind closed doors? There’s a strain that’s going to be put on lovers -- gay, straight, bi, whatever it is -- because its power that is the aphrodisiac in the bedroom. So it’s how we define power. And what we are attracted to. Because if we’re attracted to somebody who has to have power over us and demean us, then we have to start asking ourselves, “Wait a minute. What is that in me that’s turned on by that?” Then it takes me to the idea of a spiritual eroticism.

Which is?
For so long the idea of dangerous and sexy has been associated with profanity and demeaning behavior and somehow being subjugated because we’re not allowed to have the dangerous, erotic relationship with our partner who respects us. My husband is a big preacher of this: why is it that men who really want to value their partners are not thought of as sexy and hot? We will talk about the fact that some guy who has naked women on his Blackberry seems to be real desirable with everybody -- men and women -- instead of a guy who says, “I’m not going to take your picture and show everybody. I’m going to take your picture because I want you! And why isn’t it enough that I want you? Why isn’t that hot?” So it’s been really exploring and marrying these different ideas of can you be in control while you have gold handcuffs on? And what is demeaning and what isn’t? The key is power. The definition of power. And there are some songs where the women are feeling powerless, like in [the Abnormally Attracted to Sin track] “Maybe California.”

It makes me think about the queer community as well, because of the way we’ve been programmed to think that what we do in the bedroom, or even outside of it, is fundamentally wrong.
Right.

So it’s interesting to think about how we then become empowered -- especially when even in 2009 giving someone a blow job is still seen as a potentially evil thing. It’s ridiculous.
Exactly. It’s how we’ve been programmed to define sin.

Which is what you’re looking at with this album.
It’s really what I’m fascinated by. What the patriarchy has judged as sinful and we say, “OK! All right!” The power that the patriarchy has had on our self-worth is so insidious and to me it’s why there are so many affairs. Because once you walk into marriage --some kind of commitment with somebody -- then the illicit, natural side of our nature gets amputated. If you’re trying to be a good parent, then there’s the idea of, “What happened to that side of me that used to be a passionate creature?”

It doesn’t die. Or it shouldn’t.
Yes. And why do you need to have some kind of experience where you destroy your life to realize, “Wait a minute. I really liked that I liked this person.” But why all of a sudden instead of being able to -- or wanting to -- do this with them I end up doing it with a stranger who doesn’t know me, who doesn’t care about me. If I’m in trouble or if I’m sick they’re out the fucking door. If the champagne is there -- they are there --

But what is that?
What is that? Like you said -- we are programmed for so long that sexy is out there somewhere [motions to the room] and sacred is in here somewhere [motions to chest] and you’re never going to have sexy and sacred in a relationship together. And I think it does depend on who you’re with, but I think you really have to work hard to break those programs because they’re so entrenched. And [the Abnormally Attracted to Sin track] “Police Me” is very much about being encoded. As you know with the archetypes from the last record I was really trying to find sides to myself that I hadn’t allowed myself. I don’t need to put on Pip’s [one of the five “dolls,” or personas, Amos created for her last album, American Doll Posse] garb to walk into that. That was a huge place to get to.

So I finally strapped on a pair and kicked Tony out of the show. I've put up with more than I should from everyone in the cast, but staying on campus and deliberately skipping practice, and constantly leaving early/arriving late for no particularly good reason, just absolutely threw me with how irresponsible and thoughtless he was being. TBH I don't know why I expected or even hoped anything better...this is the one who couldn't be assed to practice for Laugh For a Cure, show up on time for Speech and Theatre meetings, and, you know, not cheat on Nicole.

What's funny is that I was the one giving him shitloads of second chances when nearly everyone else in the cast was urging me to drop him. When I told them that I finally did it, my responses were "Good for you!", "Really awesome", and "You get an A+".

Now, Shana, whom I have known since we were four years old, has been dating Tony since December against everyone's better judgment, and she believes that this a Love That Has Never Been Loved Before. They even call each other "lion and lamb" because of that insipid Twilight quote. You can't see one without the other anymore, and like Ayjay said she did when she went out with her previous boyfriend, Chris, she has been ignoring her friends for him.

So after I kicked Tony out on Tuesday, I expect Shana to follow suite. She doesn't...at first. We have practice Wednesday night, which I told her about. She texts and says she'll be late. Then she gets on AIM (Billy keeps his laptop with him because he has the show's music on there) and starts talking to Billy (he's like my diplomat; everyone talks to him). Then over AIM she starts a hissy fit over how there was no reason to kick Tony out (*snort*), and how she's tired of this "shit" (the show) and she was only staying because Tony wanted to do it (yeah, whatever...skipping practice and acting like an irrsponsible tool just SCREAMS "I care about what I'm doing"). Then she texts me and says "Consider me out of the show. I'll come by tomorrow to pick up my dress and prop".

I'm assuming that she's dumping me as a friend, too, and frankly I don't know whether to be upset or relieved. We had a fight over the abortion issue back in January, and we didn't fully recover from it. I'm still mad at her, not only for supporting something I feel is morally wrong, but for changing her stance on abortion in the name of "being a real friend". I have a handful of pro-choice friends, and the rest of my family is pro-choice, so I wasn't as shocked by her position as I was by the fact that she would so easily change her stance on a moral issue just to make things easier. I was also pretty disturbed by what she considers "being a real friend" to mean...allowing them to do potentially dangerous things to themselves because, as she put it "IT IS [HER] CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!" (I'm not making the capslock and multiple exclamation points up; that what she wrote to me).

Also, I have a pretty high tolerance level for what I consider insulting, but Ayjay--who at that point was through with Shana--wrote to her, blasting her for being obnoxious to me about the issue. (I told her I appreciated the defense if not the way it was worded, since I hate yelling ^.^<) So I suppose she was pretty rude.

And since then, nothing was the same. She used to bounce up and run to me whenever I entered the room, but after that she could barely be assed to greet me. Probably most significantly is that I can't remember her calling me "Sempai" often after that...calling me "Sempai" is probably the best indication of affection towards me that my younger friends can do. I even said it feels weird for them to call me "Cait" now, since I'd assume they were mad at me. We stopped having trips to the mall and impromptu sleepovers. I don't think I've been in her house since January. We didn't confide in each other anymore, when before we could talk about our most intimate details.

When it came to the show, she really started getting on my nerves. First of all, when I said "turn your cell phones off during practice" (because they're distracting and it's unprofessional) she responded with "I will NOT", which was totally Excuse me? Who the helld o you think is in charge here? After I put Sarah in total control of a dance rehearsal--there were issues with Sarah's style of teaching/discipline--she sent me a nasty e-mail starting with "Why the HELL would you [blah blah blah]". She would constantly leave early too, taking Tony with her. One particular incident was only recently, when it started to drizzle, so she went back to her house claiming she didn't want to walk in the rain. Instead of asking someone for a ride home (she lives literally around the corner from me), or walking to her house and then driving back so she could drive home at the end of practice >.> And EVERYTHING was cause for complaints. She doesn't like the choreography for We Beseech Thee. Her ankles hurt/she's on her period/she's tired/she had a fight with Tony so she's not coming to practice, even with only two weeks until showtime (at the time) (When we did Peter Pan I got blood on my pants and my director excused me from rehearsing, but I still sat and WATCHED). The mask's eye holes are too small. She doesn't like her costume for Turning (the dress is beautiful, by the way; it's one of my favorites). "I only just heard about practice and I made plans, so I'm not coming", which was BULLSHIT since I e-mailed her days before, and Danielle wrote down the practice times for her besides. "You have to text me when there's practice because I'm not going to check Facebook religiously" when she fucking KNEW I communicate with EVERYONE via Facebook regarding the show, and somehow she gets special exemption from this because she doesn't feel like getting online.

God, now I'm just getting pissed off, because I can't believe how rude they both were about this. And then for her to say there's no reason to get rid of someone who doesn't take the cabaret seriously (and the only reason she says that is because she's dating him; were she in my shoes she'd do the same thing), and then call what we've been working on since February "shit", after she's been obnoxious and willful about the whole thing...you know what, fuck that shit. I don't regret my decision at all.

Neither of them seem to grasp the concept of consequences for their actions. You can't just expect people to give you a free ride for whatever reason. Nor do either of them seem to understand dedication to a task. Apparently, according to them, when something is extracurrircular or volunteer, you shouldn't have to work at it with the same diligence that you would an obligation. Who cares if the show is shit, it's just an activity.

*Slams head on keyboard* I can't believe that selfish shit. The degree of apathy some people have had towards this is appalling, considering the show is to raise money and awareness for extreme poverty.

You know what? Screw it. I've had my fill of putting up with self-centeredness and I'm done. She owes me an apology for being a complete tool about both her boyfriend and the show, and until I get one, I don't want to talk to her.