I'd like to thank Obnoxious Girl In The Quad for reminding me that some people never matured past middle school.

Ok. My meal plan allows me one meal a day, so I go to the cafeteria to take food to bing back to my dorm. Because I wasn't going anywhere else today, except the lounge to watch ATWT, I didn't bother getting all dressed up. So here's what I'm wearing: pink flip-flops, a pair of capri pants, a slightly oversized black shirt with a sparkly rose on it (it's from when I saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway), my headband with multi-color hearts, and my hair clipped against my head. In other words, I don't look like a beauty model, but I didn't just roll out of bed, either.

So I step outside my building and stop on the steps to make sure I've got my ID card with me, and this girl fifty feet away from me yells, "Man, girl, you going out in that?"

I walked away without responding, but the whole five-minute walk I was thinking how obnoxious and bitchy that was. And then I get to the cafeteria, which is absolutely crawling with students, and suddenly I felt intensely awkward and self-conscious and alone. It was the first time I'd been there without my family and I think it fully hit me that I DON'T KNOW ANYONE. I drifted around the buffet area like a moron, stuffing food in my purse because I didn't know takeout doesn't start until tomorrow (something else to make me feel like an idiot), and then got the hell out of there.

Then, get this, I'm almost back in my building, and these two girls sitting at a bench whip around at the same time to look at me. I know it's because flip-flops are loud and it sounded like someone was approaching them, but get this...I actually panicked for a second.

This fucking blows. It's like I can't get over the paranoia I had in middle school. I don't talk about that time of my life much, and for a good reason: it was HELL. Take my relationship with Liz, triple the emotional abuse, and stretch it out over two years instead of eleven months, and that was middle school for me. And that obnoxious bitch in the quad, the awkward wandering in the cafeteria, and the two girls totally just reminded me that I have never gotten over it, and how pathetic I am to not have let it go by now.

I feel like a total fucking loser. I want my Nicole.

To top it all off, I accidentally broke my fast by eating a slice of pepper. So not only do I suck socially, I can't keep my committments either. Great.