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The Emo Girl (QLBF)

Quirky Liberal Beta Female

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Heh...true, I guess. "an emo girl", by the way.

I've been wanting to create a meme where you tell your flist of things in RL that remind you of them, but at the moment I can only think of two things (though for three people). So if you are saerwen_13 and ehrenyu/darkqryslynn, it's your lucky day, I guess.

( Saerwen_13 )

( ehrenyu/darkqryslynn )

We have most of the Cabaret filmed, so I have to steal it from whoever filmed it and put it up here for y'all. I watched it a few times at the cast party at Lisa's. To be honest I think it shows that we had difficulties during rehearsal :/ but the audience enjoyed it and we raised money for charity, so I guess that's what really matters.

It's not like we won't have more opportunities. A lot of us wanted to do more over the summer, specifically a Disney-themed show. And then that Methodist church that used to let us practice in the basement asked us to do "We Beseech Thee" for them, which we did yesterday morning...and apparently they were so impressed that they asked us to perform Godspell in it's entirety. So we have two more shows in planning, pretty much. And I'd like to do this particular show again at the end of August, before I leave for Uni, to see how we've improved. So...three.

Finally, updates on my lovelife.

( Read more... )

...let me just say that whenever I hear something along the lines of "organized religion is the cause of all the world's problems" I'd like to punch something in the face. Last time I checked it was closed-minded bigoted violent thoughtless assholes that cause all the world's problems, not ideas on how to talk to God. Organized religion is just a vehicle through which fuckers do what they do best. Don't blame ideas for the people who claim to follow them.

This is just something I thought about earlier today but perpetuated by Fandom_Secrets. U2 secret (yay!) stating that as a religion-hater, the OP was "ashamed" to tell anyone that they made him/her want to find their faith again. Dude, why the fuck should you be "ashamed"? Unless they encourage you to act like a complete asshole, your religious beliefs are nothing to be embarrassed about. Speaking from personal experience, in many ways they can make you a better person. For instance, contemplating God's love has made me more forgiving, understanding, and respectful of people. (Also, religion =/= faith. I remember in The Faith Club, they wrote that Ranya had faith but no religion, Priscilla had religion but no faith, and Suzanne had both. I always kinda wished there was a fourth author who had neither, just to make it even.)

May I go off into fangirly squee for a moment and just point out how frakking awesome U2 is for being that influential on someone. I drove for about two hours today and listened to them the entire time. Haters gonna hate but a U2 concert is a spiritual experience and Bono is a better humanitarian than most people are neighbors. So there. XP~

Moving on...Forgotten Broadway: A Cabaret is officially over. It finally ended up with us having ~16 people in the cast. Our first show on the 11th did not start out very well because most of the people in the audience were either deaf, blind, or affected with some form of dementia. About 2/3 into the first act things picked up, though, because we played everything louder, and things got more interesting. Our second show on the 13th was a nightmare to coordinate because we were missing a handful of people, so I wound up putting myself in four songs and cutting two of them. The audience, because it was at an adult community instead of a nursing home, was way more responsive. We got craploads of compliments at both venues, and sixty bucks to donate to the ONE Campaign, so overall I feel like we were a success. Someone's parents filmed it, so if I get my hands on the video I will post it.

Here is a picture of most of the cast and crew:



Nick (crew), Dad (crew), Deshaun, Dave, Mom (crew), Billy, Lisa, me, Twitchy, Maggie, Jenny (hostess), Dani, Rikki, Laura, Ayjay, Kevin, Kieran (crew), and Joey. Missing from the shot are SJ, Nicole, George (crew), and Cheyanne; the girls were either sick or grounded, and George was I think taking photos.

Cast parteh on Saturday ^_^ I can't believe how close we grew. I've never had so many friends doing a show with me. So even though the show was a nightmare to produce, forming so many tight bonds made the whole experience worth it. Every practice was almost like a party; I don't think I've ever had such a good time and been with so many people who I really care about, and who really care about me. And I thank God for this experience, truly. Even though I lost a few friends along the way, I think doing this show has really showed me who I can count on. Not to mention what I am capable of doing if I refuse to give up. I really look forward to whatever we do in the summer ^_^ We want to do a Disney-themed show next.

Speaking of forming tight bonds, Joey (the guy in the bright orange shirt at the end) asked me out after the show on the 11th. I said that we'd give it a shot. I like him a lot and I've felt attracted to him before, but I've got some trepidations because he seems to VERY into me already, while I take relationships slowly. And there is also the fact that well right now I am more easily attracted to girls, so I'm worried about what this means for us. I e-mailed him about this earlier; he hasn't responded yet. I really don't want to chase him off because I'd hate to lose him from my life; I'm just not sure if the little switch in my head that controls my attractions will let me like him as a boyfriend, and I want to date a little before deciding that I can commit to him. And I think it's important to fill him in on this, because otherwise it wouldn't be fair. Deshaun and SJ used to date and he (also bi) had to tell her about this; though they broke up they are still good friends and Deshaun cites the honesty as a factor in that.

It's 2 in the morning right now and I'm starting to get a headache, so I'll chat more when y'all comment, mmkay?

My troupe is down to 20 and we are performing 16 days from now. Quite frankly I don't have the energy to get upset at the 3 people who left; I just redistributed the parts. What I find interesting is that most of the people who left were initially enthusiastic, while the people who had to be coaxed into trying out are now the most loyal. :/ Also, since I have no idea what happened to our pianists, I have to go about finding karaoke versions, or find someone with the technology to delete vocals off a track.

In other news, I watched the second half of "Schindler's List" yesterday and...well I cried so hard at the "I could've saved more" part that I burst the blood vessels around my eyes, so it looks like a swarm of red freckles cropped up randomly between my eyebrows and my cheekbones. They're starting to diminish now, but they were really bad yesterday; people thought they were hives.

On the upswing I visited my Uni today ^.^ I'd never been there before, and I think I will really like it, even though the campus is so big that there's a town between it and you have to take buses everywhere. They had a bunch of booths up, and the Religion Department had a virtual Religion Jeapordy game set up. I kicked its ass, naturally ^.^ Scored a duffel bag for my pains. Double-majoring is not going to be easy, but they said I can do it. Plus they have meal-plans for vegans, and lots of religious centers on campus (I saw the Jewish center and the Catholic center is near it; they said they had centers for anything I could think of). My idea of Eden. The only problem is that housing is crap on campus, so I will probably move into a hotel. They said it's about as expensive as dorming.

Well, with any luck it will be finished by Easter. For the longest time I was too uninspired/embarrassed to keep writing the love scene, but the Cabaret has actually helped in this regard. Thespians are a very horny bunch, you see >.> I don't know why, but we are constantly discussing, touching, hugging, kissing, spanking, fondling, stripping...we don't have too too many inhibitions as a group. Very open environment --> less embarrassment --> working on fic.

Chapter 7 went off in a different direction than what I had initially planned. I decided to push the trust issue even further by making Hisoka do something that leaves him...ah, "vulnerable" isn't really the right word. "Leaving the ball in Tsuzuki's court" is somewhat better. I'll only spoil it if you want me to; it's not anything remotely resembling an EPIC PLOT TWIST Snape kills Dumbledore! Nicole Kidman is a ghost! Rosebud is the sled! Jesus dies, but he comes back three days later! but some people like to be surprised regardless.

Speaking of this, since this is my first real involved sex scene (first one was in Second Death but that cut out the actual sex and replaced it with Symbolism Land; then was the rape scene in Eden but that was mainly told through analogy; there are a bunch of sex scenes in Blindness but they're either vague or suck), I'm wondering if I should place it up here to have someone beta it?

Also, since I joined tsuzu_slash, I think I'll post it there, too :)

I'm slightly worried that Gift!Fic readers are expecting something more hardcore than what they're getting. XD Gift!Fic and the sex meme have made me a little curious as to if it's unusual to only enjoy B and not DSM. :/ It does feel sorta like Kinky Sex: You're Doing It Wrong.

Our curtain call song is "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan and everyone wants real bad to sing it. However, just having everyone sing it straight out is really boring, so in addition to timing the bows I have to group it just to mix it up.

Tonight I got the idea of two groups divided by...sexual orientation. I hate that I even have to think about this, but let me explain. We have a cast of 27 people, and out of that 11 have an "alternative sexuality"...7 are bisexual, 3 are homosexual, and 1 is asexual. That means 41% of my cast (this includes me) has (probably) experienced some form of discrimination or harrassment because of their orientation.

What's more, Deshaun and Kevin have started a sorta relationship. This makes me a giddy shoolgirl, but it's tainted by the fact that Kevin's parents do not know that he's gay...and for good reason. I've already told him that he can come straight (heh) to my house if he tells them and they kick him out, because that is a very real fear. He's afraid to go forward with his relationship with Deshaun because of this, which is understandably tearing Deshaun up. The whole thing makes me immeasurably angry not just philosophically but personally, because they are both extremely dear to me.

Two of my other friends, Gui and AJ, are also involved with each other. AJ's parents don't know about him (though honestly, it's kinda hard to miss...) and Gui's parents suffer under misconceptions.

On an even more personal level my mother does not accept my bisexuality. She's in the "it doesn't exist" camp and that we should pick one or the other. I tried telling her that I had no choice in this and she said that she doesn't think I'm bi; I'm just so naturally affectionate that I conflate my platonic love with sexual attraction. I joke about my sexuality quantum leaping from Kinsey 3 to Kinsey 7 but I am very clear on the fact that my door swings both ways. It hurt that even after I've discussed this with her twice that she won't just accept it.

Because this issue is so important to me, and because "You'll Be In My Heart" has some very appropriate lyrics, I grouped the 11 "alternative sexualities" people as Group 1, and my 16 straighties are Group 2. It'll only be known to the cast, but YBIMH is operating on two levels...it is us saying "Good-bye" and "I love you" to each other, but it is also us expressing our support for gay rights.

Here, this is how it goes. Remember that the Gay/Bi/A group is Group 1, and the Straight group is Group 2:

All:
Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here, don’t you cry
For one so small, you seem so strong
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm
This bond between us can’t be broken
I will be here, don’t you cry
‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forevermore
You’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You’ll be here in my heart
Always

-By this point everyone has taken their bows (because there's so few of us, we can all get an individual bow) and stepped forward to either side of the stage in their collective groups-

Group 1:
Why can’t they understand the way we feel?
They just don’t trust what they can’t explain

Group 2:
I know we’re different but deep inside us
We’re not that different at all

All:
And you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forevermore

Group 2:
Don’t listen to them, ‘cause what do they know?

Group 1:
We need each other, to have, to hold

Group 2:
They’ll see in time

Group 1:
I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong

Group 2:
I may not be with you, but you’ve got to hold on
They’ll see in time

Group 1:
I know

All:
We’ll show them together
‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Believe me, you’ll be in my heart
I’ll be there from this day on
Now and forevermore
Ooh, you’ll be in my heart

Group 1:
You’ll be here in my heart

Group 2:
No matter what they say
I’ll be with you

Group 1:
You’ll be here in my heart

Group 2:
I’ll be there

All:
Always
Always
I’ll be with you
I’ll be there for you always
Always and always

Group 2:
Just look over your shoulder

-They exit-

Group 1:
Just look over your shoulder

-They exit, leaving me behind; I get the last few lines because I'm the director-

Me:
Just look over your shoulder
I’ll be there
Always

Ok, you didn't ask, but I'll let you know anyway.

Scenes were cut. Scenes were replaced. People have dropped. The date was moved to May 10th from May 2nd. We have a venue. The school has the proper paperwork and now they recognize our show, so we can use the club's money. People are catching onto the blocking pretty well but not many have been able to see the vocal director. Drama/personality conflicts made one of my choreographers resign, so now it's all on Gem and untrained, haven't-danced-in-6-years me. Sheet music is in but all of it has some sort of defect. Dancing continues to go well.

Since it's my favorite aspect of the show, I'd like to talk about the line-up. Half of it was luck and half of it was careful planning, but I'd like to discuss how I themed this.

( Read more... )

Right, so it's been terrible. First of all, the entire cast hates one of the choreographers because she's a colossal hardass. Second of all, I have people dropping right and left; I'm down to 30 if I include myself, and I keep having to rework the damn cast list. I've got Student Life riding my ass about the God damn paperwork. I had to fight with one of my boys to stay in his scene numbers instead of just the company numbers. And to top it all off, today one of the girls sprained her ankle AND fractured her elbow all in one fell swoop (at least the First Aid training paid off; we managed to make something of a sling for her). The other day I think I quite literally shit a brick because of what's been going on (well, what do YOU call it when the crap is so long and hard that you have to go back a half hour later in order to flush it after the water's softened it a bit?).

So who said it? If I find out someone said the M-word I'm going to freak the fuck out. I don't care if it's a stupid superstition; I've seen it work its black magic. Everyone just do the counter-curse (walk counter-clockwise backwards 9 times) anyway, please.

The God of Theatre has decided to, once again, shit all over any project I attempt to do. I've had something like six people drop out, one of them being my best singer and another one being the only person who fit into that particular role. Not only that, we have to try and seach out karaoke versions of the song because we cannot get an orchestra and sheet music together. To top it all off, snow has cancelled two days' worth of practices.

On the sorta upswing I changed the date of the show to May 9th which means we might be able to get two really good singers...but I don't know that yet. So expect either a CAPSLOCK RANTY POST ON HOW THE UNIVERSE HATES ME or a CAPSLOCK YAY SQUEE THIS IS BETTER THAN TSUSOKA PR0N POST ON HOW MY FRIENDS ARE AWESOME.

OH HAPPY DAY THANK YOU JESUS BUDDHA KRISHNA I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO WILLED IT TO BE BUT THANK YOU. I AM DONE CASTING AND SCHEDULING THE ACTOR'S PRACTICES.

The holiday has always been very "meh" to me. Basically it is an excuse for my dad to buy me chocolate. He can't do that this year because of my diet (there's very little non-dairy chocolate out there), so he bought me two U2 CDs instead :) "Boy" and "October". Those CDs were made before I was born...fuck, they were made before Fooshie was born! Just so you know, Fooshie is an even bigger fan of them than I am.

Anyway, so a few people wanted to know how the auditions went. They were ... Yeah, "..."

Okay, let's be fair. 16 people showed up to Thursday. I had three people audition in Wednesday because they couldn't make Thursday. There are also some sick people whom I know sing and dance well, so they didn't really have to audition. I have a handful of really stand-out singers and dancers, but most of them are n00bs.

Which is fine, actually. We have two-and-a-half months to get everyone's game up.

But what we have is simply not enough, so we're doing what I wanted to do right from the start and recruiting from the high schools. So today I am going to the library with Allene (one of the choreographers; Gem is the other choreographer, Char is my Asst. director, and Lynn-chan is my stage manager) and hearing some newcomers sing (we're stealing one of their conference rooms; don't worry, we won't sing where there's people). So here's hoping for a good turnout *crosses fingers*


Music: "Louder Than Words" from tick...tick...BOOM

I am feeling the "I'm a Director" excitement! Meine Gott, I can't believe the show is really starting!

I have come to the startling conclusion that Barak Obama/Michelle Obama is my Real Person OTP. I don't really know much about their personal life (as it should be) but in every picture of them that I see THEY ARE SO DAMN CUTE TOGETHER.

Speaking of OTPs, I am working on gift!fic; I have not forgotten it. To put it in crass terms, I'm at the point of, ehm, penetration >.> man that sounded weird. But anyway, this is also the point where the whole psychological/emotional revelation happens. I'm having a difficult time expressing it the way I want to, because no matter what I try to do it comes across as me stepping into the story and telling the audience what the moral is. I've noticed I've been reading a lot less fiction lately so maybe that has something to do with it? I've mainly been reading religious history and theoretical physics books. Maybe reading too much informational lit is hurting my fictitious side?

Also in fictional news, I've restarted that first novel I tried to write. The one based on a Gundam Wing AU I started a long time ago.

Speaking of that I am SO INTO GUNDAM WING again. Fooshie and I watched Endless Waltz again today (we watched it on Christmas because that is a tradition of mine) and I'm reminded why I love this show. It is just so awesome ^.^ AND I found an AMV mixing Duo/Hilde with a QUEEN SONG. To go along with the internet trope..."and I jizzed in my pants". Not really, but that's how excited I was.



Lalala...school started again. YAY! I missed school. I have English II, French II, Art History III, and Native American Literature this semester. The last time I took French was 2006, so I am tres rusty. Gotta break out my "Teach Yourself French" CDs.

LOL, in my room I have self-teaching crap for French, Japanese, Italian, Portuguese, Russian, Galeic, and Greek. You'd think I want to stuady languages or something ;)

We are making positive headway on the Cabaret ^.^ I can't wait to start this show!!



Music: "I Want To Break Free" by Queen

Here are the rest of the songs for the Cabaret. Ideally, of course, because this depends on who we get, but this is how I'd like it to go:


ACT I

Prologue: "Wilkommen" (Cabaret), abridged
1st Song: "Show People" (Curtains)
2nd Song: "Melodie de Paris" (Phantom)
3rd Song: "The Museum Song" (Barnum)
4th Song: "No Good Can Come From Bad" (The Mystery of Edwin Drood)
5th Song: "No Time At All" (Pippin)
6th Song: "Journey On" (Ragtime)
7th Song: "Peron's Latest Flame" (Evita)
8th Song: "Meadowlark" (The Baker's Wife)
9th Song: "I Know Things Now" (Into the Woods)
10th Song: "Masquerade/Ballad of Sweeny Todd - Finale" (The Phantom of the Opera/Sweeny Todd)

INTERMISSION

ACT II

11th Song: "One Day More" (Les Miserables)
12th Song: "Bui Doi" (Miss Saigon)
13th Song: "Halloween/Good-bye Love" (RENT)
14th Song: "Tell My Father" (Civil War)
15th Song: "Home" (Beauty and the Beast)
16th Song: "Days of Plenty" (Little Women)
17th Song: "Wicked Little Town" (Hedwig and the Angry Inch)
18th Song: "We Beseech Thee" (Godspell)
19th Song: "Wonder" (Lord of the Rings)
20th Song: "Louder Than Words" (tick...tick...BOOM)
21st Song: "You Can't Stop the Beat" (Hairspray)


Sudden realization: Sweeny Todd and the Phantom would totally be gay for each other.

( Want_some_youtube_videos? )

Okay, so I forget if I've discusssed this before, but Speech&Theatre is putting on a musical cabaret for the spring. Since the cabaret is my brainchild, I'm in charge of it despite only being the Treasurer (it's so funny...the VP and Secretary are the choreographer and the Prez is my assistant!). Unfortunately that means I can't be in it :( but I do get to direct the entire thing :) and I'll probably be hosting it, as well.

Our theme is Forgotten Broadway, meaning we will be using songs

a) From well-known shows, but the songs aren't the "signature pieces"
b) From obscure or underrated shows
c) From shows that were turned into movies, but the song was cut out

So one of our songs...provided we have the cast for it...is "Halloween/Good-bye Love" from RENT ("Halloween" was cut from the movie, and "Good-bye Love" was chopped in half; we are also doing the show to benefit the ONE Campaign so I was interested in the theme of suffering from AIDS). And I spent today blocking it...i.e. setting it up for the stage.

( You_would_like_to_see_yes_yes? )